petak, lipnja 30, 2006
utorak, lipnja 27, 2006
Chili Cook-off in San Antonio
They have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank:
"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh#t, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh#t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I sh#t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a#s with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
>>
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank:
"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh#t, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh#t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I sh#t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a#s with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
>>
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
nedjelja, lipnja 04, 2006
Najljepši stihovi turbo folka
1) Varao me dragi, nek je zdrav i živ, kad ga žene vole nije, nije
kriv!
2) Moja mala nosi suknju mini, ispod mini napisala skini, moja mala
nosi suknju maksi ispod maksi napisala taksi!
3) Ja sam seljak veseljak, a u duši tugu skrivam, šta ću jadan kraj
Morave kad ne znam da plivam!
4) Uz vetar sam uvek išo i nikoga nisam šišo, od malena radim tako
ja sam rodjen naopako!
5) Što na kafu zoveš mene kada nemaš samlevene!
6) Nemoj da plašeš na mom kućnom pragu, da mi nova vrata ne povuku
vlagu!
7) O kako je lep, o kako je fin, kao da je, kao da je čarobnjakov sin!
8) Pijem vino i rakiju vruću i ne mislim na njivu i kuću. Šta ce meni
venčanje i žena kad sa tudjom živim bez problema!
9) Puče puška u dolini Drima pa udari mili babo Ibrahim Selima. Ustaj
more babo iz te zemlje ladne, pa nahrani mili babo siročice gladne.
10) Ćaki, Ćaki, Ćale kupi mi sandale, samo pazi Ćale da ne budu male!
11) Nas dva brata, naučio tata, sa ženama kako se barata!
12) Moja mala nema prednji zubi, kad me ljubi jezikom me ubi!
13) Ti ode na zeleno, ja osta na crveno rastavi nas semafor!
14) Dva loša ubiše Miloša, a mene će jedan što mu ženu gledam!
15) Majka Muju šišala na struju, kuka Muja zbog varoških cura, u modi
je dugačka frizura.
16) Nisam lopov al bi znao tom čoveku šta bi krao!
17) Milane moja ružo, ćale mi se naoružo, u vazduh će sve da digne
nedaj bože da te stigne.
18) ...nećeš čak ni pasulj da mi skuvaš, a kamoli decu da mi čuvaš!
19) Koka kola, Malboro, Suzuki, diskoteke, gitare, buzuki, to je život,
to nije reklama nikom nije lepše nego nama!
20) Opasnice spusti loptu i zaigraj na dobrotu, divlja mačko kandže
skrati, u jagnje se preobrati!
21) Mala žena od velike sladja, mala žena u srce pogadja, mala žena
lepa kao slika, telo malo a duša velika!
22) Neću da ljubim jednu ili dve, ja sam čovek za devojke sve!
23) Joj sto volim piti vode što šljivove grane rode. Da je časa od tri
kila jedna bi mi dobra bila!
24) Nisam majstor da napravim bure ali sam majstor da osvajam cure!
Nisam majstor da lepim tapete, al sam majstor da napravim dete.
25) Moja mala lutkica, tvrdi da je devica, kaže pre venčanja nema
milovanja.Devo, devo device, prelepa lepotice, nemoj samnom da se
svadjas, bolje decu da mi radjaš.
26) Sve, sve, sve, možeš da mi daš, al ja neću s tobom jer si mafijaš!
27) Opasan je jež kad ga neko takne, izbo je Snežu ne moze da makne!
Broji bodlje Sneža pored starog plota, sečaće se ježa celoga života!
28) Komandante, silo vojna, lomiš srca mnogobrojna!
29) Hej konobaru donesi mi štok, hoću da se napijem da zaigram rok!
kriv!
2) Moja mala nosi suknju mini, ispod mini napisala skini, moja mala
nosi suknju maksi ispod maksi napisala taksi!
3) Ja sam seljak veseljak, a u duši tugu skrivam, šta ću jadan kraj
Morave kad ne znam da plivam!
4) Uz vetar sam uvek išo i nikoga nisam šišo, od malena radim tako
ja sam rodjen naopako!
5) Što na kafu zoveš mene kada nemaš samlevene!
6) Nemoj da plašeš na mom kućnom pragu, da mi nova vrata ne povuku
vlagu!
7) O kako je lep, o kako je fin, kao da je, kao da je čarobnjakov sin!
8) Pijem vino i rakiju vruću i ne mislim na njivu i kuću. Šta ce meni
venčanje i žena kad sa tudjom živim bez problema!
9) Puče puška u dolini Drima pa udari mili babo Ibrahim Selima. Ustaj
more babo iz te zemlje ladne, pa nahrani mili babo siročice gladne.
10) Ćaki, Ćaki, Ćale kupi mi sandale, samo pazi Ćale da ne budu male!
11) Nas dva brata, naučio tata, sa ženama kako se barata!
12) Moja mala nema prednji zubi, kad me ljubi jezikom me ubi!
13) Ti ode na zeleno, ja osta na crveno rastavi nas semafor!
14) Dva loša ubiše Miloša, a mene će jedan što mu ženu gledam!
15) Majka Muju šišala na struju, kuka Muja zbog varoških cura, u modi
je dugačka frizura.
16) Nisam lopov al bi znao tom čoveku šta bi krao!
17) Milane moja ružo, ćale mi se naoružo, u vazduh će sve da digne
nedaj bože da te stigne.
18) ...nećeš čak ni pasulj da mi skuvaš, a kamoli decu da mi čuvaš!
19) Koka kola, Malboro, Suzuki, diskoteke, gitare, buzuki, to je život,
to nije reklama nikom nije lepše nego nama!
20) Opasnice spusti loptu i zaigraj na dobrotu, divlja mačko kandže
skrati, u jagnje se preobrati!
21) Mala žena od velike sladja, mala žena u srce pogadja, mala žena
lepa kao slika, telo malo a duša velika!
22) Neću da ljubim jednu ili dve, ja sam čovek za devojke sve!
23) Joj sto volim piti vode što šljivove grane rode. Da je časa od tri
kila jedna bi mi dobra bila!
24) Nisam majstor da napravim bure ali sam majstor da osvajam cure!
Nisam majstor da lepim tapete, al sam majstor da napravim dete.
25) Moja mala lutkica, tvrdi da je devica, kaže pre venčanja nema
milovanja.Devo, devo device, prelepa lepotice, nemoj samnom da se
svadjas, bolje decu da mi radjaš.
26) Sve, sve, sve, možeš da mi daš, al ja neću s tobom jer si mafijaš!
27) Opasan je jež kad ga neko takne, izbo je Snežu ne moze da makne!
Broji bodlje Sneža pored starog plota, sečaće se ježa celoga života!
28) Komandante, silo vojna, lomiš srca mnogobrojna!
29) Hej konobaru donesi mi štok, hoću da se napijem da zaigram rok!
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