srijeda, svibnja 30, 2007
Pigs mating joke
A farmer had five female pigs.Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart.So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M.,loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning,they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for more than a week.The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed.He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart.So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M.,loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning,they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for more than a week.The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed.He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
Polish Remover
A Polish man moved to the U.S. and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. He said, "very quick!"
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him some questions.
"Have you any grounds"?
"Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home."
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case"?
"It made of concrete."
"Do either of you have a real grudge"?
"No, we have carport and not need one."
"I mean, what are your relations like"?
"All my relations still in Poland."
"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?
"Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
Does your wife beat you up"?
"No, I always up before her."
"Why do you want this divorce"?
"She going to kill me."
"What makes you think that"?
"I got proof."
"What kind of proof"?
"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read and it say '"Polish Remover.
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him some questions.
"Have you any grounds"?
"Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home."
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case"?
"It made of concrete."
"Do either of you have a real grudge"?
"No, we have carport and not need one."
"I mean, what are your relations like"?
"All my relations still in Poland."
"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?
"Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
Does your wife beat you up"?
"No, I always up before her."
"Why do you want this divorce"?
"She going to kill me."
"What makes you think that"?
"I got proof."
"What kind of proof"?
"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read and it say '"Polish Remover.
petak, svibnja 25, 2007
Psihologija
U jednom popularnom kafiću jedan mladić odluči pozvati jednu djevojku na piće...
Pridje njenom stolu i upita:- "Izvinite, mogu li vas pozvati na jedno piće?"
Djevojka na sav glas zavika:- "ŠTO? ZAR U U TVOJOJ SOBI?"
Momak zbunjen:- "Ne, ne razumijete. Samo vas pozivam na piće."
Djevojka jos glasnije:- "ŠTO? A SAD BI U HOTELU?"
Momak sav posramljen odleti do šanka, da što prije plati svoj račun i pobjegne od stida.
Kad odjednom mu pridje ona djevojka i objasni:- "Izvini za ono prije. Znaš, studiram psihologiju i istrazujem kako ljudi reagiraju u neugodnim situacijama."
Tada se momak zadere na sav glas:-
"ŠTO? ZA 200 EURA? NISAM LUD."
Pridje njenom stolu i upita:- "Izvinite, mogu li vas pozvati na jedno piće?"
Djevojka na sav glas zavika:- "ŠTO? ZAR U U TVOJOJ SOBI?"
Momak zbunjen:- "Ne, ne razumijete. Samo vas pozivam na piće."
Djevojka jos glasnije:- "ŠTO? A SAD BI U HOTELU?"
Momak sav posramljen odleti do šanka, da što prije plati svoj račun i pobjegne od stida.
Kad odjednom mu pridje ona djevojka i objasni:- "Izvini za ono prije. Znaš, studiram psihologiju i istrazujem kako ljudi reagiraju u neugodnim situacijama."
Tada se momak zadere na sav glas:-
"ŠTO? ZA 200 EURA? NISAM LUD."
nedjelja, svibnja 20, 2007
subota, svibnja 19, 2007
Pretplati se na:
Postovi (Atom)