nedjelja, veljače 05, 2012
četvrtak, siječnja 12, 2012
četvrtak, siječnja 05, 2012
utorak, siječnja 03, 2012
nedjelja, siječnja 01, 2012
petak, prosinca 16, 2011
nedjelja, listopada 09, 2011
nedjelja, rujna 25, 2011
četvrtak, rujna 15, 2011
subota, travnja 09, 2011
srijeda, ožujka 09, 2011
subota, listopada 09, 2010
subota, rujna 25, 2010
utorak, rujna 21, 2010
nedjelja, svibnja 09, 2010
srijeda, travnja 07, 2010
20 Hilarious School Exam Answers
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.
These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
.
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.
These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
.
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
subota, siječnja 09, 2010
petak, listopada 09, 2009
petak, ožujka 27, 2009
Mujo i sat
Vozi se Mujo u vozu, a nasuprot njega jedan zgodan momak. U jednom trenutku momak ga upita koliko je sati. Mujo izvadi iz dzepa svoj sat, pogleda u njega, spremi ga i suti. Nakon nekog vremena upita ga momak:
- Zasto necete da mi kazete koliko je sati?
- Zato, jer ako ti kazem, ti ces meni reci hvala. Ja cu tebi reci nema na cemu. Ti ces tada mene upitati kuda putujem, a ja cu tebi reci da idem u Tuzlu. Ti ces onda mene pitati koga imam u Tuzli, a ja cu tebi odgovoriti da tamo imam zenu i kcerku.
- Onda ces ti mene pitati koliko godina ima moja kcerka, a ja cu tebi odgovoriti da ima dvadeset.
- Onda ces ti mene pitati jeli moja kcerka lijepa, a ja cu ti odgovoriti da takove ljepotice malo gdje mozes
vidjeti.
- Onda ces ti htjeti da dodjes sa mnom u Tuzlu da ju upoznas, a ja cu te odvesti kuci.
- Kada ju vidis ti ces ju odmah zaprositi, a ja cu te onda morati poslati u picku materinu jer jebes zeta koji nema ni sat!
- Zasto necete da mi kazete koliko je sati?
- Zato, jer ako ti kazem, ti ces meni reci hvala. Ja cu tebi reci nema na cemu. Ti ces tada mene upitati kuda putujem, a ja cu tebi reci da idem u Tuzlu. Ti ces onda mene pitati koga imam u Tuzli, a ja cu tebi odgovoriti da tamo imam zenu i kcerku.
- Onda ces ti mene pitati koliko godina ima moja kcerka, a ja cu tebi odgovoriti da ima dvadeset.
- Onda ces ti mene pitati jeli moja kcerka lijepa, a ja cu ti odgovoriti da takove ljepotice malo gdje mozes
vidjeti.
- Onda ces ti htjeti da dodjes sa mnom u Tuzlu da ju upoznas, a ja cu te odvesti kuci.
- Kada ju vidis ti ces ju odmah zaprositi, a ja cu te onda morati poslati u picku materinu jer jebes zeta koji nema ni sat!
srijeda, ožujka 25, 2009
nedjelja, ožujka 15, 2009
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