Patient Mom and little girl

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no."
The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."

Zvjezde bez i sa šminkom

  

Haiku poezija

HERCEGOVAČKI  HAIKU



Zima je.

Pivac stoji na

jednoj nogi.

Vitar gonja

lepušinu po guvnu.

Jes ladno, krvi ti Isusove.



ZAGORSKI HAIKU



Bara orje

s kravami.

Konj se vritnul,

otpala mu potkova.

Došel Joža na gemišta.



DALMATINSKI HAIKU



Lešo blitva

na pijatu.

Furešti se

gužvadu na vaporu.

Ni ladovina nije ca je bila.



BOSANSKI HAIKU



Deset, s lukom.

Ladno pivo.

Nema raje

na Bašcaršiji.

Ko ce platit moje meze?



SLAVONSKI HAIKU



Kulin, šljiva,

preorana njiva.

Bećar Tunja brke suče.

Zora se pomalja.

Kad ce vec ti poticaji?

 

Police Comments - Top 15

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you don't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh . did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#09 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#08 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#07 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#06 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#05 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#04 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#03 "No sir we don't have quotas any more. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#02 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#01 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ..You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Hrvat i prijatelji

 

What is harder

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister,
"Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."

Evo kako se prave djeca

 

Novogodišnja čestitka

Sijaset rahatluka na ovome dunjaluku
da sućuraš Alahu na berićetu,
da te dragi Alah čuva od šejtana,
nalet ga bilo u džehanemu.
Da svaki hastaluk i svi hećimi budu
daleko od tvog vilajeta.
Da te svi kijameti zaobidju.
Hairli ti Nova Godina!