srijeda, svibnja 30, 2007
Pigs mating joke
A farmer had five female pigs.Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart.So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M.,loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning,they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for more than a week.The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed.He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart.So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M.,loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning,they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for more than a week.The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed.He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
Polish Remover
A Polish man moved to the U.S. and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. He said, "very quick!"
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him some questions.
"Have you any grounds"?
"Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home."
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case"?
"It made of concrete."
"Do either of you have a real grudge"?
"No, we have carport and not need one."
"I mean, what are your relations like"?
"All my relations still in Poland."
"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?
"Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
Does your wife beat you up"?
"No, I always up before her."
"Why do you want this divorce"?
"She going to kill me."
"What makes you think that"?
"I got proof."
"What kind of proof"?
"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read and it say '"Polish Remover.
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him some questions.
"Have you any grounds"?
"Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home."
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case"?
"It made of concrete."
"Do either of you have a real grudge"?
"No, we have carport and not need one."
"I mean, what are your relations like"?
"All my relations still in Poland."
"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?
"Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
Does your wife beat you up"?
"No, I always up before her."
"Why do you want this divorce"?
"She going to kill me."
"What makes you think that"?
"I got proof."
"What kind of proof"?
"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read and it say '"Polish Remover.
petak, svibnja 25, 2007
Psihologija
U jednom popularnom kafiću jedan mladić odluči pozvati jednu djevojku na piće...
Pridje njenom stolu i upita:- "Izvinite, mogu li vas pozvati na jedno piće?"
Djevojka na sav glas zavika:- "ŠTO? ZAR U U TVOJOJ SOBI?"
Momak zbunjen:- "Ne, ne razumijete. Samo vas pozivam na piće."
Djevojka jos glasnije:- "ŠTO? A SAD BI U HOTELU?"
Momak sav posramljen odleti do šanka, da što prije plati svoj račun i pobjegne od stida.
Kad odjednom mu pridje ona djevojka i objasni:- "Izvini za ono prije. Znaš, studiram psihologiju i istrazujem kako ljudi reagiraju u neugodnim situacijama."
Tada se momak zadere na sav glas:-
"ŠTO? ZA 200 EURA? NISAM LUD."
Pridje njenom stolu i upita:- "Izvinite, mogu li vas pozvati na jedno piće?"
Djevojka na sav glas zavika:- "ŠTO? ZAR U U TVOJOJ SOBI?"
Momak zbunjen:- "Ne, ne razumijete. Samo vas pozivam na piće."
Djevojka jos glasnije:- "ŠTO? A SAD BI U HOTELU?"
Momak sav posramljen odleti do šanka, da što prije plati svoj račun i pobjegne od stida.
Kad odjednom mu pridje ona djevojka i objasni:- "Izvini za ono prije. Znaš, studiram psihologiju i istrazujem kako ljudi reagiraju u neugodnim situacijama."
Tada se momak zadere na sav glas:-
"ŠTO? ZA 200 EURA? NISAM LUD."
nedjelja, svibnja 20, 2007
subota, svibnja 19, 2007
ponedjeljak, travnja 30, 2007
Definicija bakterije
Pita muallima Hasu: Bolan Haso, de ti nama objasni šta je bakterija!
Haso odgovara: to ti je , bona muallima, neki sitni hajvan, kad uniđe u insana,
učini toliki belaj i kjamet da ako ove hefte ne odeš u hastan do hećima, ne gine ti dženaza.
Haso odgovara: to ti je , bona muallima, neki sitni hajvan, kad uniđe u insana,
učini toliki belaj i kjamet da ako ove hefte ne odeš u hastan do hećima, ne gine ti dženaza.
Facts about 1500s
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and other men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it-hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice rats, and bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof-hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entry way - hence, a "thresh hold."
They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then add to these to start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while-hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale paysan bread which was so old and hard that they could use them for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up-hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small and they started out running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the d tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer"
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and other men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it-hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice rats, and bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof-hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entry way - hence, a "thresh hold."
They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then add to these to start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while-hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale paysan bread which was so old and hard that they could use them for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up-hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small and they started out running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the d tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer"
četvrtak, travnja 19, 2007
srijeda, travnja 18, 2007
Tabletice
Pita unuk babu:
Baba, jesi li mozda vidjela neke moje tabletice?
Baba mu odgovori:
Pusti sine sad tabletice, jesi li ti vidio one zmajeve u kuhinji ?!
Baba, jesi li mozda vidjela neke moje tabletice?
Baba mu odgovori:
Pusti sine sad tabletice, jesi li ti vidio one zmajeve u kuhinji ?!
petak, travnja 13, 2007
petak, ožujka 30, 2007
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