Marušić iz "Slobodne Dalmacije"

 

H2O: Dangerous Chemical!

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since:
it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
it is a major component in acid rain
it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
accidental inhalation can kill you
it contributes to erosion
it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty-three (43) said yes,
six (6) were undecided,
and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.
The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

He feels the conclusion is obvious.

Reklama za Windex

 

Cannibal Restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a
restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu:

Broiled Missionary $10 -
Fried Explorer $15 -
Baked Politician $100.

The Cannibal called the waiter over and asked,
"Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"

Ekstremno glačanje 6

 

Ekstremno glačanje 5

 

Ekstremno glačanje 4

 

Ekstremno glačanje 3

 

Ekstremno glačanje 2

   

Ekstremno glačanje - prvenstvo

http://www.extremeironing.com/index.php 

Patient Mom and little girl

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no."
The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."

Zvjezde bez i sa šminkom

  

Haiku poezija

HERCEGOVAČKI  HAIKU



Zima je.

Pivac stoji na

jednoj nogi.

Vitar gonja

lepušinu po guvnu.

Jes ladno, krvi ti Isusove.



ZAGORSKI HAIKU



Bara orje

s kravami.

Konj se vritnul,

otpala mu potkova.

Došel Joža na gemišta.



DALMATINSKI HAIKU



Lešo blitva

na pijatu.

Furešti se

gužvadu na vaporu.

Ni ladovina nije ca je bila.



BOSANSKI HAIKU



Deset, s lukom.

Ladno pivo.

Nema raje

na Bašcaršiji.

Ko ce platit moje meze?



SLAVONSKI HAIKU



Kulin, šljiva,

preorana njiva.

Bećar Tunja brke suče.

Zora se pomalja.

Kad ce vec ti poticaji?

 

Police Comments - Top 15

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you don't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh . did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#09 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#08 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#07 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#06 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#05 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#04 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#03 "No sir we don't have quotas any more. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#02 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#01 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ..You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Hrvat i prijatelji

 

What is harder

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister,
"Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."

Evo kako se prave djeca

 

Novogodišnja čestitka

Sijaset rahatluka na ovome dunjaluku
da sućuraš Alahu na berićetu,
da te dragi Alah čuva od šejtana,
nalet ga bilo u džehanemu.
Da svaki hastaluk i svi hećimi budu
daleko od tvog vilajeta.
Da te svi kijameti zaobidju.
Hairli ti Nova Godina!

Good advice for blizzard

One day in the downtown, it was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when Lena got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She remembered a friend's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made Lena feel much better and sure enough in a little while, a snow plow went by, and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow, she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After quite sometime had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right, as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of the advice she'd received to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was OK with him, and she could continue if she wanted...but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Zellers next.

...7

 

.... 6

 

...5

 

... 4

 

... 3

 

Scary Santa 2

 

Scary Santa 1

 

GOLF ON CHRISTMAS MORNING

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed, and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third guy says, "Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well honey, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for sex or golf,' and she said, 'Don't gorget to take a sweater.'"

... 8

 

FWD

Man comes home , finds his wife with his friend in
bed . He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL
your friends"

****************************************
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

****************************************
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

***********************************
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
Without Information Fighting Everytime
Wife replies," No, It means ,
With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**************************************
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and Panic is when both are pregnant.

**************************************
Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one,
my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver
ran away.

**************************************
A women asks man who is traveling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours??"
The man replies, " No, I work in a condom factory
and these are customer complaints".

*************************************
A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference
between confident and confidential.
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"

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