P: Odakle je fudbalski klub Selta?
O: Iz Viga.
- Ne, iz Španije. ("Slagalica", januar 2005.)
P: Kako se zovete?
O: Jašim.
- Izvolite Jašime.
- Ništa, samo sam to hteo da čujem. Doviđenja. ("Zlatna ?ica", decembar
2004.)
P: Iz kod jezika potiče reč šator?
O: Iz ciganskog.
- Iz romskog, žao mi je. ("Slagalica", novembra 2004.)
P: Kako se zove najmanja ptica na svetu?
O: Mali beloglavi sup.
P: Koja evropska zemlja je poznata po polki i polonezi?
O: Polinezija.
P. U koju grupu životinja spadaju kenguri?
O. U skakavce.
P: Ako je ćirilica drugo slovensko pismo, koje je prvo?
O: A!
P: Kako se naziva memorijska jedinica od 1,4 Mb?
O: Štednjak, šporet.
P: U kojoj zemlji su ljudi pravno i formalno u najgorem položaju?
O: U Talibanu.
(*ovaj odgovor je priznat kao tačan).
P: Na koji grad gleda "Soba s pogledom"?
O: Na more!
P: Kako se zove najveći okean na svetu?
O: Tihi okean.
- Odgovor nije tačan. Pacifik!
P: Ako mačka spada u porodicu mačaka, u koju porodicu spada vuk?
O: U Karadžiće.
P: Koji grad u našoj zemlji i dalje nosi ime po jednom komunističkom
funkcioneru?
O: Jajce
četvrtak, kolovoza 31, 2006
Pitanja i odgovori iz srpskih kvizova:
nedjelja, kolovoza 27, 2006
Pope and the Seven Dwarfs
The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are
"The Seven Dwarfs" they get ushered into see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any
dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a
moment and answers, No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to face the Pope.
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then
answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry
glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there
ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing,
pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as
they begin chanting:
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!
"The Seven Dwarfs" they get ushered into see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any
dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a
moment and answers, No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to face the Pope.
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then
answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry
glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there
ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing,
pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as
they begin chanting:
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!
Top 16 Rejected Motel 6 Slogans!
16. We're working on that smell thing, too.
15. Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.
14. As seen on "COPS"
13. If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have Changed the Sheets
12. Not just for nooners anymore.
11. We left off the 9, but you know it's there.
10. You rented the room, now buy the video.
9. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.
8. We'll leave the Lysol for ya!
7. Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary there on *your* salary, pal!
6. We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery *better*
5. It's Hookerriffic!
4. Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins
3. Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art since 1962!
2. Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother
and the Number 1 Rejected Motel 6 Slogan...
1. We put the "Ho" in "Motel"
15. Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.
14. As seen on "COPS"
13. If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have Changed the Sheets
12. Not just for nooners anymore.
11. We left off the 9, but you know it's there.
10. You rented the room, now buy the video.
9. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.
8. We'll leave the Lysol for ya!
7. Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary there on *your* salary, pal!
6. We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery *better*
5. It's Hookerriffic!
4. Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins
3. Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art since 1962!
2. Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother
and the Number 1 Rejected Motel 6 Slogan...
1. We put the "Ho" in "Motel"
petak, kolovoza 25, 2006
četvrtak, kolovoza 24, 2006
Hooray Australia
Subject:
I wish the leaders of our country would take a stand like Australia
Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.
A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to Australia at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and his ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown.
Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir
apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular state and its laws were made by parliament."If those are not your values, if you want a country which has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you," he said onnationaltelevision."I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws governing people in Australia, one the Australian law and another the Islamic law, that is false. If you can't agree with parliamentary law, independent courts, democracy, and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to another country, which practices it, perhaps, then, that's a better option," Costello said.
Asked whether he meant radical
clerics would be forced to leave, he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move to the other country.Education Minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims who did not want to accept local values should "clear off".
"Basically, people who don't want to be Australians, and they don't want to live by Australian values and understand them, well then they can basically clear off," he said. Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques.
AMERICA
Quote:
IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some
individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.
However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia.
However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.
This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle.
This culture has been developed over two centuries
of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, Learn the language!
Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push but a fact because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, Because God is part of our culture.
We will accept your beliefs and will not question why, all we ask is that you accept ours and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.
If the Southern Cross
offends you, or you don't like " A Fair Go", then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.
We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. By all means keep your culture but do not force it on others.
This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.
But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, "THE RIGHT TO LEAVE".
If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.
Pretty easy really, when you think about it. I figure if we all
keep passing this to our friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers. Let's all try, please.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE, PERHAPS WE CAN CREATE A GROUND SWELL AND SEND OUR U.S.POLITICIANS THE MESSAGE THAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF US BELIEVE AS THE AUSSIES DO.........
srijeda, kolovoza 16, 2006
Pismo iz Kanade
Dragi naši,
Ne možemo još da konfirmamo naš dolazak ovog ljeta, ali, kako sada
stvari stoje, izgleda da ćemo morati da kanselujemo tikete koje smo bukirali, jer nas
ubi morgidž za taun haus što smo skoro kupili. Doduše, za tikete imamo, ali
ne možemo da skupimo za prezente svima vama i ostaloj familiji, a bez toga
ne ide da dolazimo jer nećemo da nas smatraju za neke bamove, kao što su
pričali za Đoleta i njegove kad su svojima doneli po 100 dolara, kako su čip i
kako ništa nisu uradili u Kanadi. Mi tako nećemo.
Ili dolazimo kao gospoda ili nikako. Zato smo se i dogovorili da
sejvujemo što možemo više i da sve odložimo za sledeći vakejšn.
Inače, mi živimo dosta dobro. Ja radim ful tajm i još dva part tajma, a
Zorica je našla i treći part tajm preko vikenda, ali smo dobro uskladili šihte
pa možemo da se vidjamo svakog drugog vika. Možda je to malo nezgodno za
Rebeku, ali njoj plaćamo dej ker posle škole, a odatle je uzima bejbi siterka i
dovodi kući na spavanje. Ona, iako je mala, razume da mi ovoliko radimo za
njeno dobro i da ovako mora da bude sve dok ne otplatimo morgidž. Svaki fri tajm
koristimo da budemo sa njom, pa smo je tako last samer (ili to beše pretprošlog leta)
vodili ceo dan na lejk. Kupili smo joj i hot dog i ajs krim i od tada stalno svima
priča kako joj je bilo bjutiful.
Ja imam dosta posla oko taun hausa katujem travu, čistim atik i
nekako ugrabim par sati dnevno da sređujem bejsment jer hoćemo da ga
rentamo i tako povećamo inkam.
Kao što vidite, da je lako - nije, ali kad je čovek hard vorker i ako
dobro isplanira skedžual može sve da uradi. Ja sam lepo doterao liniju na 130
paunda, pa mi se neki naši dušmani odavde podsmevaju da sam se osušio zato što
mnogo radim i spavam samo četiri sata, ali to je samo zato što oni mnogo
dželos na mene, a i ne znaju da ja uvek ugrabim bar 45 minuta da dremnem u
sabveju. Čoveku više i ne treba, a i to je samo privremeno 25-30 godina, dok ne
otplatimo morgidž a posle ćemo da uživamo. Sve je lako kad imaš svoj
target.
Čuo sam da Djole i ove godine ide za stari kraj. Može se njemu kad već
deset godina čući na velferu i jos vozi picu za keš, a žena mu otvorila bjuti
salon u stanu pa ove naše guske navalile ko nezdrave da rade her kat.
Ali, sta im vredi kad ne znaju da invest nego sve spiskaju na putovanja i neke druge
stjupid stvari. Zato će ceo život da budu golje i da rentaju apartment, a mi
imamo properti i sejving akaunt u banki. On stalno mejk fan od mene i priča
okolo kako sam ful i ne znam da živim, ali polako, zaigraće mečka i pred
njegovim apartmentom koji renta. Ja sam već obavestio revenju Kanada o njegovim
biznisima, pa ću da ga pitam kako se živi kad bude počeo da plaća taksu
za sve ove godine.
A to što on misli kako mi ne znamo da živimo, malo se prevario. Skoro
svaki satrdej uveče ja i Zorica popijemo kejs piva onaj mali od siks. Doduše,
ona popije samo jedno zato što mora na najt posao od devet, ali se zato ja
rileks i smažem sve ostalo jer u sandej radim tek od osam ujutro.
Zato, kad ga vidite nemojte ništa da mu verujete šta priča jer on nije čovek za rispekt.
To je rizon što vam nisam poslao pare po njemu, jer znam kako će da kaže da
sam čip i da grabim samo za sebe. Vi znate da to nije zbog toga, nego zato sto
sam temporari šort, ali i to je samo dok ne otplatimo morgidž. Posle ćemo
svi da uživamo.
Ne možemo još da konfirmamo naš dolazak ovog ljeta, ali, kako sada
stvari stoje, izgleda da ćemo morati da kanselujemo tikete koje smo bukirali, jer nas
ubi morgidž za taun haus što smo skoro kupili. Doduše, za tikete imamo, ali
ne možemo da skupimo za prezente svima vama i ostaloj familiji, a bez toga
ne ide da dolazimo jer nećemo da nas smatraju za neke bamove, kao što su
pričali za Đoleta i njegove kad su svojima doneli po 100 dolara, kako su čip i
kako ništa nisu uradili u Kanadi. Mi tako nećemo.
Ili dolazimo kao gospoda ili nikako. Zato smo se i dogovorili da
sejvujemo što možemo više i da sve odložimo za sledeći vakejšn.
Inače, mi živimo dosta dobro. Ja radim ful tajm i još dva part tajma, a
Zorica je našla i treći part tajm preko vikenda, ali smo dobro uskladili šihte
pa možemo da se vidjamo svakog drugog vika. Možda je to malo nezgodno za
Rebeku, ali njoj plaćamo dej ker posle škole, a odatle je uzima bejbi siterka i
dovodi kući na spavanje. Ona, iako je mala, razume da mi ovoliko radimo za
njeno dobro i da ovako mora da bude sve dok ne otplatimo morgidž. Svaki fri tajm
koristimo da budemo sa njom, pa smo je tako last samer (ili to beše pretprošlog leta)
vodili ceo dan na lejk. Kupili smo joj i hot dog i ajs krim i od tada stalno svima
priča kako joj je bilo bjutiful.
Ja imam dosta posla oko taun hausa katujem travu, čistim atik i
nekako ugrabim par sati dnevno da sređujem bejsment jer hoćemo da ga
rentamo i tako povećamo inkam.
Kao što vidite, da je lako - nije, ali kad je čovek hard vorker i ako
dobro isplanira skedžual može sve da uradi. Ja sam lepo doterao liniju na 130
paunda, pa mi se neki naši dušmani odavde podsmevaju da sam se osušio zato što
mnogo radim i spavam samo četiri sata, ali to je samo zato što oni mnogo
dželos na mene, a i ne znaju da ja uvek ugrabim bar 45 minuta da dremnem u
sabveju. Čoveku više i ne treba, a i to je samo privremeno 25-30 godina, dok ne
otplatimo morgidž a posle ćemo da uživamo. Sve je lako kad imaš svoj
target.
Čuo sam da Djole i ove godine ide za stari kraj. Može se njemu kad već
deset godina čući na velferu i jos vozi picu za keš, a žena mu otvorila bjuti
salon u stanu pa ove naše guske navalile ko nezdrave da rade her kat.
Ali, sta im vredi kad ne znaju da invest nego sve spiskaju na putovanja i neke druge
stjupid stvari. Zato će ceo život da budu golje i da rentaju apartment, a mi
imamo properti i sejving akaunt u banki. On stalno mejk fan od mene i priča
okolo kako sam ful i ne znam da živim, ali polako, zaigraće mečka i pred
njegovim apartmentom koji renta. Ja sam već obavestio revenju Kanada o njegovim
biznisima, pa ću da ga pitam kako se živi kad bude počeo da plaća taksu
za sve ove godine.
A to što on misli kako mi ne znamo da živimo, malo se prevario. Skoro
svaki satrdej uveče ja i Zorica popijemo kejs piva onaj mali od siks. Doduše,
ona popije samo jedno zato što mora na najt posao od devet, ali se zato ja
rileks i smažem sve ostalo jer u sandej radim tek od osam ujutro.
Zato, kad ga vidite nemojte ništa da mu verujete šta priča jer on nije čovek za rispekt.
To je rizon što vam nisam poslao pare po njemu, jer znam kako će da kaže da
sam čip i da grabim samo za sebe. Vi znate da to nije zbog toga, nego zato sto
sam temporari šort, ali i to je samo dok ne otplatimo morgidž. Posle ćemo
svi da uživamo.
četvrtak, kolovoza 03, 2006
ponedjeljak, srpnja 31, 2006
petak, srpnja 28, 2006
četvrtak, srpnja 27, 2006
utorak, srpnja 25, 2006
ponedjeljak, srpnja 24, 2006
ponedjeljak, srpnja 03, 2006
petak, lipnja 30, 2006
utorak, lipnja 27, 2006
Chili Cook-off in San Antonio
They have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank:
"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh#t, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh#t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I sh#t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a#s with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
>>
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank:
"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh#t, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh#t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I sh#t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a#s with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
>>
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
nedjelja, lipnja 04, 2006
Najljepši stihovi turbo folka
1) Varao me dragi, nek je zdrav i živ, kad ga žene vole nije, nije
kriv!
2) Moja mala nosi suknju mini, ispod mini napisala skini, moja mala
nosi suknju maksi ispod maksi napisala taksi!
3) Ja sam seljak veseljak, a u duši tugu skrivam, šta ću jadan kraj
Morave kad ne znam da plivam!
4) Uz vetar sam uvek išo i nikoga nisam šišo, od malena radim tako
ja sam rodjen naopako!
5) Što na kafu zoveš mene kada nemaš samlevene!
6) Nemoj da plašeš na mom kućnom pragu, da mi nova vrata ne povuku
vlagu!
7) O kako je lep, o kako je fin, kao da je, kao da je čarobnjakov sin!
8) Pijem vino i rakiju vruću i ne mislim na njivu i kuću. Šta ce meni
venčanje i žena kad sa tudjom živim bez problema!
9) Puče puška u dolini Drima pa udari mili babo Ibrahim Selima. Ustaj
more babo iz te zemlje ladne, pa nahrani mili babo siročice gladne.
10) Ćaki, Ćaki, Ćale kupi mi sandale, samo pazi Ćale da ne budu male!
11) Nas dva brata, naučio tata, sa ženama kako se barata!
12) Moja mala nema prednji zubi, kad me ljubi jezikom me ubi!
13) Ti ode na zeleno, ja osta na crveno rastavi nas semafor!
14) Dva loša ubiše Miloša, a mene će jedan što mu ženu gledam!
15) Majka Muju šišala na struju, kuka Muja zbog varoških cura, u modi
je dugačka frizura.
16) Nisam lopov al bi znao tom čoveku šta bi krao!
17) Milane moja ružo, ćale mi se naoružo, u vazduh će sve da digne
nedaj bože da te stigne.
18) ...nećeš čak ni pasulj da mi skuvaš, a kamoli decu da mi čuvaš!
19) Koka kola, Malboro, Suzuki, diskoteke, gitare, buzuki, to je život,
to nije reklama nikom nije lepše nego nama!
20) Opasnice spusti loptu i zaigraj na dobrotu, divlja mačko kandže
skrati, u jagnje se preobrati!
21) Mala žena od velike sladja, mala žena u srce pogadja, mala žena
lepa kao slika, telo malo a duša velika!
22) Neću da ljubim jednu ili dve, ja sam čovek za devojke sve!
23) Joj sto volim piti vode što šljivove grane rode. Da je časa od tri
kila jedna bi mi dobra bila!
24) Nisam majstor da napravim bure ali sam majstor da osvajam cure!
Nisam majstor da lepim tapete, al sam majstor da napravim dete.
25) Moja mala lutkica, tvrdi da je devica, kaže pre venčanja nema
milovanja.Devo, devo device, prelepa lepotice, nemoj samnom da se
svadjas, bolje decu da mi radjaš.
26) Sve, sve, sve, možeš da mi daš, al ja neću s tobom jer si mafijaš!
27) Opasan je jež kad ga neko takne, izbo je Snežu ne moze da makne!
Broji bodlje Sneža pored starog plota, sečaće se ježa celoga života!
28) Komandante, silo vojna, lomiš srca mnogobrojna!
29) Hej konobaru donesi mi štok, hoću da se napijem da zaigram rok!
kriv!
2) Moja mala nosi suknju mini, ispod mini napisala skini, moja mala
nosi suknju maksi ispod maksi napisala taksi!
3) Ja sam seljak veseljak, a u duši tugu skrivam, šta ću jadan kraj
Morave kad ne znam da plivam!
4) Uz vetar sam uvek išo i nikoga nisam šišo, od malena radim tako
ja sam rodjen naopako!
5) Što na kafu zoveš mene kada nemaš samlevene!
6) Nemoj da plašeš na mom kućnom pragu, da mi nova vrata ne povuku
vlagu!
7) O kako je lep, o kako je fin, kao da je, kao da je čarobnjakov sin!
8) Pijem vino i rakiju vruću i ne mislim na njivu i kuću. Šta ce meni
venčanje i žena kad sa tudjom živim bez problema!
9) Puče puška u dolini Drima pa udari mili babo Ibrahim Selima. Ustaj
more babo iz te zemlje ladne, pa nahrani mili babo siročice gladne.
10) Ćaki, Ćaki, Ćale kupi mi sandale, samo pazi Ćale da ne budu male!
11) Nas dva brata, naučio tata, sa ženama kako se barata!
12) Moja mala nema prednji zubi, kad me ljubi jezikom me ubi!
13) Ti ode na zeleno, ja osta na crveno rastavi nas semafor!
14) Dva loša ubiše Miloša, a mene će jedan što mu ženu gledam!
15) Majka Muju šišala na struju, kuka Muja zbog varoških cura, u modi
je dugačka frizura.
16) Nisam lopov al bi znao tom čoveku šta bi krao!
17) Milane moja ružo, ćale mi se naoružo, u vazduh će sve da digne
nedaj bože da te stigne.
18) ...nećeš čak ni pasulj da mi skuvaš, a kamoli decu da mi čuvaš!
19) Koka kola, Malboro, Suzuki, diskoteke, gitare, buzuki, to je život,
to nije reklama nikom nije lepše nego nama!
20) Opasnice spusti loptu i zaigraj na dobrotu, divlja mačko kandže
skrati, u jagnje se preobrati!
21) Mala žena od velike sladja, mala žena u srce pogadja, mala žena
lepa kao slika, telo malo a duša velika!
22) Neću da ljubim jednu ili dve, ja sam čovek za devojke sve!
23) Joj sto volim piti vode što šljivove grane rode. Da je časa od tri
kila jedna bi mi dobra bila!
24) Nisam majstor da napravim bure ali sam majstor da osvajam cure!
Nisam majstor da lepim tapete, al sam majstor da napravim dete.
25) Moja mala lutkica, tvrdi da je devica, kaže pre venčanja nema
milovanja.Devo, devo device, prelepa lepotice, nemoj samnom da se
svadjas, bolje decu da mi radjaš.
26) Sve, sve, sve, možeš da mi daš, al ja neću s tobom jer si mafijaš!
27) Opasan je jež kad ga neko takne, izbo je Snežu ne moze da makne!
Broji bodlje Sneža pored starog plota, sečaće se ježa celoga života!
28) Komandante, silo vojna, lomiš srca mnogobrojna!
29) Hej konobaru donesi mi štok, hoću da se napijem da zaigram rok!
četvrtak, svibnja 25, 2006
Rice - Bush conversation
George B.: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is new leader of China.
George B.: That’s what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That’s what I telling you.
George B.: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I mean the fellows name.
Condoleeza R.: HU.
George B.: The guy in China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The new leader of China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The Chinaman!
Condoleeza R.: Hu is leading China.
George B.: Now whaddya asking me for?
Condoleeza R.: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.
George B.: Well, I am asking you. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza R.: That’s the man’s name.
George B.: That’s who’s name?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: Will you or will you not tell me the new name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza R.: That’s correct.
George B.: Then who is in China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Then who is?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Look, Candi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Gewt me the Secretary General of U.N. on the phone.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: No, thanks.
Condoleeza R.:You want Kofi?
George B.: No.
Condoleeza R.: You don’t want Kofi.
George B.: NO. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me to U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Not Yassir! The guy in U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condoleeza R.: And call who?
George B.: Who is the guy in U.N.?
Condoleeza R.: Hu is guy in China.
George B.:Will you stay out of China!?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me guy in U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: All right. With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
( Condi picks up the phone.)
Condoleeza R.: Rice here.
George B.: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of eggs rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And thze Middle East.
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is new leader of China.
George B.: That’s what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That’s what I telling you.
George B.: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I mean the fellows name.
Condoleeza R.: HU.
George B.: The guy in China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The new leader of China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The Chinaman!
Condoleeza R.: Hu is leading China.
George B.: Now whaddya asking me for?
Condoleeza R.: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.
George B.: Well, I am asking you. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza R.: That’s the man’s name.
George B.: That’s who’s name?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: Will you or will you not tell me the new name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza R.: That’s correct.
George B.: Then who is in China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Then who is?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Look, Candi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Gewt me the Secretary General of U.N. on the phone.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: No, thanks.
Condoleeza R.:You want Kofi?
George B.: No.
Condoleeza R.: You don’t want Kofi.
George B.: NO. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me to U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Not Yassir! The guy in U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condoleeza R.: And call who?
George B.: Who is the guy in U.N.?
Condoleeza R.: Hu is guy in China.
George B.:Will you stay out of China!?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me guy in U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: All right. With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
( Condi picks up the phone.)
Condoleeza R.: Rice here.
George B.: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of eggs rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And thze Middle East.
srijeda, svibnja 24, 2006
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