Egzotične olupine

 

Upside down house

 

Dilbert

 

Tabletice

 Pita unuk babu:

Baba, jesi li mozda vidjela neke moje tabletice?

Baba mu odgovori:

Pusti sine sad tabletice, jesi li ti vidio one zmajeve u kuhinji ?!

Reklama

 

Rekreacija

 

Slavonski miris za auto

 

Dobra Marušićeva karikatura iz "Slobodne"

 

Two cows

UNDERSTANDING THE REAL WORLD / GOVERNMENT

---> DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

---> REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

---> SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

---> COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

---> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

---> DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

---> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

---> AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock's price goes up.

---> FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

---> JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

---> GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

---> RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

---> TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a U.S. bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

---> IRAQI CORPORATION: You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

---> FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

---> CALIFORNIAN: You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks and comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One makes milk; the other doesn't. You try to sell the transgender cow, but its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children." The legislature passes a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations and the cow starves to death. The L.A. Times analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

---> PAKISTANI CORPORATION: You have two cows. America claims one as terrorist and Pervez Musharraf abducts it and send it to US. Second one is suspected as a collaborator and is rotting in a Pakistani prison being actively questioned by ISI, CIA, FBI, etc..

Prazne tribine

 

More Body Art and Music

 

Body art (Pink Floyd)

 

Marušić iz "Slobodne Dalmacije"

 

H2O: Dangerous Chemical!

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since:
it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
it is a major component in acid rain
it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
accidental inhalation can kill you
it contributes to erosion
it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty-three (43) said yes,
six (6) were undecided,
and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.
The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

He feels the conclusion is obvious.

Reklama za Windex

 

Cannibal Restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a
restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu:

Broiled Missionary $10 -
Fried Explorer $15 -
Baked Politician $100.

The Cannibal called the waiter over and asked,
"Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"

Ekstremno glačanje 6

 

Ekstremno glačanje 5

 

Ekstremno glačanje 4

 

Ekstremno glačanje 3

 

Ekstremno glačanje 2

   

Ekstremno glačanje - prvenstvo

http://www.extremeironing.com/index.php 

Patient Mom and little girl

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no."
The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."

Zvjezde bez i sa šminkom

  

Haiku poezija

HERCEGOVAČKI  HAIKU



Zima je.

Pivac stoji na

jednoj nogi.

Vitar gonja

lepušinu po guvnu.

Jes ladno, krvi ti Isusove.



ZAGORSKI HAIKU



Bara orje

s kravami.

Konj se vritnul,

otpala mu potkova.

Došel Joža na gemišta.



DALMATINSKI HAIKU



Lešo blitva

na pijatu.

Furešti se

gužvadu na vaporu.

Ni ladovina nije ca je bila.



BOSANSKI HAIKU



Deset, s lukom.

Ladno pivo.

Nema raje

na Bašcaršiji.

Ko ce platit moje meze?



SLAVONSKI HAIKU



Kulin, šljiva,

preorana njiva.

Bećar Tunja brke suče.

Zora se pomalja.

Kad ce vec ti poticaji?

 

Police Comments - Top 15

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you don't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh . did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#09 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#08 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#07 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#06 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#05 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#04 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#03 "No sir we don't have quotas any more. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#02 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#01 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ..You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Hrvat i prijatelji

 

What is harder

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister,
"Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."

Evo kako se prave djeca

 

Novogodišnja čestitka

Sijaset rahatluka na ovome dunjaluku
da sućuraš Alahu na berićetu,
da te dragi Alah čuva od šejtana,
nalet ga bilo u džehanemu.
Da svaki hastaluk i svi hećimi budu
daleko od tvog vilajeta.
Da te svi kijameti zaobidju.
Hairli ti Nova Godina!